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Ravings of a Sunyan
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Douglas' LiveJournal:

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Sunday, November 1st, 2009
1:00 am
Once more...
Unt othe breach? Or is it not that void clims high:
The sunyan door yawns open. And what's behind is hungry, yes.
Blessings for my friends: Cessation for my foes.
Burn away all that makes them my enemy:
be it the smallest spark, or themselves whole.
They will learn to fear the void of chaos.
They will learn to fear the flames.

Is it not the perfect night for it?
The door yawns open.
Fear and love what lies beyond.

Chakara,
lahimse,
Lahimset,
Molikai se Keriashim Se Shikarim.
Sunday, June 21st, 2009
7:23 pm
A Small Rant
There are people who pander to the concept of change, then disbelieve or discard when someone points out things will change.
The lack of understanding of what a simple, core concept this is. What strength can be drawn from it: To just pander to the notion, play at it, and never fully understand the ramnifications.
Change is life,
I say.
And they don't quite grasp this is more than just some meaningless words.
And then they wonder how to get out of the problems they are in, because change they claim they believe in is too scary.
no other way to survive in this life.
Absorb what helps. Discard what does not.
ADAPT.
SURVIVE.
ENDURE>
No other way to do it.
CHANGE.
Or die.
Monday, July 21st, 2008
3:02 am
bored.
In a terminal, and EXPENSIVE, way. Taking my appetite, messing with my sleep patterns. Need data.
The hunger for something to do outweighs the hunger for food.
or to put it another way, I'm only noticing I'm hungry when I think about it. But if I start eating, no appetite, as the desire to do things arises again. Hah Hah.
I wanna.. well. Hmm. Rose would be nice, hah. Chan'frei, sokan, soka, sola.
Meshratafrei.
morentama, Lokan. Lokan, Lemethoi.
Sha.
Sha chen tho.
tha remfa.
Lan Trei.
Thus it is bound.
Kaindjhe, shan'fa, moras, lekasta. Thoughts Shaped.
Jhe, Sham'fa, mores, threso. Fate Written.
Akazesh, Shon-thal motas. Form Protected.
Mainjhe, Shan'fa, So Soka. Knowledge Gained.
All control begins with the self.
Ends with the Self.
Encopasses the universe.
Chakara,
Lahimsein,
Lahimset,
Molikai.

Current Mood: Controlled
Thursday, June 12th, 2008
10:25 pm
Bored.
Fantastically, mind-numbingly bored. Short-term things to do aren't the problem - I has books. But the problem is.. well. The /drawback/ to being a hyerpactive multi-tasker. I have nothing to eat up the 'deep' proccesses, no complex problem to let my subconscious chew up and devour. Prompting the need for more things to do. The quest to get something that will grab my attention.
so bored.
work is not helping matters. there is more work for me to do, a new project - but it's not ready yet. I would estimate that, of, a third? of my time at work, this past week, i've just been spinning my wheels.
so. fucking. bored.
making me sleepier, which sucks. nothing to do, ergo sleep. i was just getting comfortable with needing little sleep, darn it! it's my summer pattern!
growl. need a project to chew on.
let me rephrase that.
need a /hard/ project to chew on, or for one of the mid-level ones to go live.
bored.
You!
amuse me.
yes you. no, not that other guy. YOU.
I await your entertainment.
Chakara,
lahimsein,
lahimset,
douglas.

Current Mood: bored
Monday, February 11th, 2008
11:59 am
OLD!
I turned 26 today.
Pity me!
I will nap. i'm old. that's what old people do, right?
when I wake, my hair wil lhave fallen out. Oh Noes!
Loot so far:
Oven-safw bowl
pasta Machine
Cash
Chocolate

heh.
Chakara,
lahimsein,
lahimset,
douglas.
Wednesday, December 12th, 2007
7:15 pm
Fivefold Happy JoyJoy Prana!
And I quote.

'I am pleased to inform you that it has been agreed to readmit you to the first year of the Bsc Hons degree in Physics in session 2008-2009.... The first Semester will start on Tuesday, 22 September 2008.'
Hoo-RAH!

I is in a good mood! i is in a good mood! I is in a good mood!

*beams*
chakara,
lahimsein,
lahimset,
doug.

Current Mood: happy
Sunday, October 21st, 2007
11:41 pm
Efficinency in life means that whenever you ask a question, you ask because you wish to know: you care about the answer.
I offer thanks to all who realise this, and provide a truthful, complete answer.
How are you?
Friday, October 19th, 2007
4:07 pm
sabbat
Let me quote
'The Sabbat is now open with several slots- Tzimisce, Lasombra, Malkavian Antitribu, Panders, and Nosferatu Antitribu are preferred, with other clans being entertained based on concept and merit. Most clans are welcome if the concept is fitting. There is room (potentially) for Ancillae, but we're focusing on Neonates at the moment. Please send concept ideas in a +mail to Reynaldo and Beatrice. One or the other of us will handle your approval. Thank you!'

Metro.spork.com
4201
come play wif me? Pwetty Pwetty pwease? :)
huh? Huh? huh?
Monday, October 8th, 2007
1:53 am
So!
Like. I moved house mid-august. And it is pretty nice. Temperature could use some work, but nice neighbours, nice neighbourhood. anyways. week or so ago, went out and got SHELVES. getting the last I need next weekend, I think. But. Anyway. Friday, I finished assembling it all. And nearly all my books are single-row'd on shelving again. for the first time in over a decade. It's so.. Squeee!
I'm currently sitting on about 12 metres of shelving. It's.. so nice. Squee!
other than that, been alternating between busy and apathetic. so fricking tired lately.
nice new kitchen, too. since i have cash these days, lo! i did stock it with useful toys. even baked a cake the other week! chocolate peanut butter marbled cake. tasted great.
there are, for the record, many evil nasty horrible cute grey squirrels in the botanic gardens.
and some of them will take nuts from the hand. one will even jump on your shoulder to get a nut.
Do not ask how I know this, I am sworn to secrecy, and it has nothing to do with the bag of hazelnuts I habitually have in my pocket, these days.
anyway. I need sleep. In theory. Gonna try get to capoeira tomorrow. We are right next to a belly-dancing class, these days. Oy Vey.

Current Mood: sleepy
Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
7:29 pm
Assumption of self
It's becoming increasingly clear that a definition I saw in a fricking /fantasy/ book - that of a person who thinks of everything in relationship to himself - Is actually something that exists.
Now. y'know. Let's consider the following situation.
Something from /another/ room is annoying you.
Now, /I /knock on said door, go in, and ask them to stop, on the assumption thay probably won't here me if I just, oh, talk at them from the other side of the halwlay without opening said door, or, indeed, attracting their attention.

Apparently, however, If You don't respond in such a situation, It /can't/ bge that they can't hear you. After all, You're the centre of the world! Clearly, they are ignoring you.

Fucking prick.
Tuesday, June 19th, 2007
5:44 pm
Alayonkasaei
Work.. Eh. Certain things at work are getting annoying.
Nochat? Somtres lakenta, mos lahimsofoe, chanlak. temseset, Chen so?

So.
Enigma-4-3-221

Tomashef.
Locasta, mayente.
Somfresto, Shenlok.
Semphorae, shanna locasta.
Lahimsein, lahimset, so can mesh shan, Lahimsafoe.
Shen yokei, shal lshon sem fa:
Tomera, nast neck chan.
Shem, Tan far, Shan mesh lan shan.
Tor teem sok nef.
DAn sef.
Lahimsafoe,
DAn Sef.
Nakosh,
Kainue fan.
Mainje Fan.
Jhe, Fan So.
Akaazesh, Chim Fo.
shan locasta, lahimsafoe,
das nesh shem lock.
das dem far toe,
das den lash nok.
Sem fai,
Se Molikai.
Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
8:52 pm
Huzzah! (The depressing stuff is for later)
So, 'bout a month ago, I started work as Mage Wiz on Darkness Falling (216.153.33.182 4999), and lo, I am well on the way to rebuilding a sphere. and I am smug. ;) Nice, active trad sector (But I'd welcome more. ;))
It's a very.. 'and the kitchen Sink' oWoD game, in places, but the staff seem pretty solid. It has /potential/, if tweaked properly. So yeah, I encourage Y'all who MUSH to pay us a visit.
I have also been set the challenge of finding staff for Mortal, Wraith and Changeling. Anyone interested ?:) Hmm? Hmm? :)
but yar. Is fun.
Got M'new PC on metro now, too. Let's see how long he lives...
heh.
Chakara,
lahimsein,
lahimset,
doug.
Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
11:34 pm
Weep for we you have lost.
Rage at what has taken it.
1 down. 2 to go.
and of the three pillars, the second now quakes. An Alpha to Beta: Now to Delta. Next is Omega.
History meaningless. that which is not daily stated, does not exist.
DAmmit.
Sunday, April 29th, 2007
4:16 pm
Meh.
Warm. warm good, even if it does induce a deal of physical apathy.
What've I been up to this week? Did some overtime on wednesday and thursday. should add.. hmm. about 30, 40 pounds to my paycheck this coming week? Most of which I suspect I'll be eating. not had enough food recently, and it showed at capoeira on wednesday. Half an hour before the end, I had to stop 'cause I was so fucking hungry, no energy left.
What we've been learning lately has been pretty cool, though - though I haven't got that far in the set. One person starts with a Meia Lua De Frente, dropping out of it half way through int oa negativa as the other person drops int oa meia lua de compasso. (Nice demos of combining dodges and attacks, I thought.)

For those who have got /that/ bit mastered, the person in the negativa does a role, and then lashes out with a.. Not sure which kick, with a sudden reversal of direction. This is avoided with.. I /think/ It's a Cocorinha, and then one of the drops is used when the first person rises: The first person avoids this, and attempts to put the opponent in another drop - a scissora, or however it's spelt. Looks pretty cool. :)

Still Don't know if Dougal is talking to me. Can't really think of any way to ask without seeming confrontational, s'the problem. *sighs* would be nice to know if any apology had been accepted. I dislike stasis.

what else. Met up with Attiya on thursday, after work: She was heading back to India on friday. Fun. :)

Got a heroclicks force in mind. Not sure exactly how many points, admittedly, but.. heh. I want to see how well an experienced Captain Cold works! :)

Code.. Da. I need to be writing more, I think. Just a great sense of 'meh' recently.

Games.. got a set of three players for the Lunar episode, need to communicate with people to finish up characters: Won't be run for at least a month, anyway.
Solars.. got two players, want a third. *idly glances up, and sighs* somehow, I don't think Who I had in mind would be interested, but I could be wrong. Something to think on.

Deadlands.. Haven't played in a couple of weeks. no idea if/when there will be another game. We are just in the proccess of moving to the cult base to attack! should be fun.

L5R.. *cough* I don't get the impression this will run again, which is a pity.

Online.. Still not finished my latest character app for Metro, and Arabian moons is often quiet when I log on. Just not got the enthusiasm to try our 'Tales of the River Province' again.

had some odd thoughts on the nature of time. really odd, in the 'hard to articulate' sense. But it did spit out the interesting question: If you could slow your own passage in time, what would it look like?

But yeah. House is gonna be empty next weekend. May take advantage of this to give it a thorough cleaning.
Anything else? Meh. Would be nice if more people answered telephones. :p
Chakara,
lahimsein,
lahimset,
doug.

Current Mood: contemplative
Tuesday, April 24th, 2007
12:00 am
Adapt. Survive, Endure. Repeat.
Mistakes should always be examined. What caused them, their effects, and what could have been done to prevent them. A true, in-depth study and examination.
Why? Because how else do you expect to learn?
To prevent it happening again?
Know the thing, control the thing.
Perfect knowledge granting perfect control, thus behooving you, if you are truly sincere in your desire not to repeat it, to try and learn all you can about it.

A truly big mistake, of course, acts almost like a flashlight. illuminating things, choices, paths you had not noticed or considered before.

And so. the next set of changes are being designed. Options examined, old packages and mechanisms reactivated.
And BOY, is it giving me a headache. Right at the base of the skull. Purely psychosomatic, I know, but it's still uncomfortable!
And so we weep, for that which was lost.
even as we wonder if we ever had it at all.

*sighs*
Messing around with the social interaction patterns is always a pain. Think about it. By definition, they are based around anticipating or creating a response, but to gauge them accureately, you'd need to know /exactly/ how someone felt when experiencing them!
Which you can't do. You have to /guess/. *scowls*
there are times I /really/ wish I could get the mindreading down pat, Y'know? But alas, I am not a mindreader. Yet, anyway. (Hah!)

Current Mood: thoughtful
Sunday, April 22nd, 2007
6:36 pm
That which does not serve the self, but harms it, shall be fed to the hunger that dwells within.
SAcrifice what you do not wish to learn more of the self: Knowledge brings power.
also headaches, at times. Darn Side-effects.
Wednesday, April 18th, 2007
10:40 pm
rent chaos.
So. Rent has to be paid by standing order, in order to make sure I get the reference code.
So, Because of the recent financial chaos which as had be playing skippy with my overdraft limit, the date was set to the twenty-somethingth.
Rent is due on the 1st. i /remembered/ i'd forgotten to adjust it on the tuesday of last week. i sent e-mail to the letting agency aplogising and telling them i'd set it up for the friday, which i did. rent left my account that day.
now, yesterday, Dougal get's a letter saying my part of the rent hasn't arrived. He goes ballistic at me - understandably - and I'm.. somewhat confused, as you might expect, since - as by my understanding - it had gone through.
So, today, I call up the letting agency. They confirm the money hasn't hit their account yet, their best guess is that it's still being transferred between banks. they're going to let me know when it hits their systems, and if it hasn't hit their account by the end of the week, they'll let me know so i can inquire of my bank.
they also confirmed that despite what the letter said, it was only likely to affect our ability to renew the lease if it got a /hell/ of a lot worse - as we've had very few problems with rent being in arrears, she thought it should be fine.

do I feel bad about this?
yes.
Is it my responsibility? yes.
My fault? at least partially, yes. I /know/ what my memory is like, I should have written down a reminder. (And yes, I /have/ already called the bank and had the standing order moved to the correct date)

so how do I feel right now?
really fucking depressed.
oh, it'll spin round to determination in an hour or so, but i really, really hate fighting with friends.
even if i have been feeling excluded from the group, recently.

so tired.
all m'plans for the week ruined.
dammit.
I don't want to lose any friends, y'know? not anymore.
what do I have to say to fix /this/ problem?
sorry? I am, but does it really need to be verbalised to be known to be true?
fuckit.
chakara,
Douglas.

Current Mood: depressed
Thursday, March 29th, 2007
7:26 pm
Query
I'm interested: How would Y'all describe me and your experiences of me? I'm explicitly looking for constructive criticism here.
S'just lately I've been getting the impression I'm being avoided or just aren't welcome, and I'd kinda like to know why. 'sides, It's coming up on time for a self-review, and I need feedback.
Chakara,
lahimsein,
lahimset,
doug.

Current Mood: depressed
Wednesday, March 28th, 2007
12:25 am
Dinosaurs!
MuAhAhAhAhA.
chakara,
lahimsein,
lahimset,
doug.
Sunday, February 11th, 2007
11:48 pm
Old!
And so, As of right this very minute, I am 25 years, 8 hours and 49 minutes old.
Oy vey.
Sleepy.
Been up since EARLY.
about to head to bed.
Just a hug to all my friends, hey?
just 'cause.


and so. for my birthday so far, I have another high-quality kitchen knife, and a chef's blowtorch. tres cool. Also, pretty girl i meet on train asks me for my phone number. I will define this as a tres cool thing if she actually uses it. :)

what else. Just finished Smallville, season 1, and have decided whitney (and isn't that a girl's name?) is an utter, utter bastard. Given that he has a good idea of how Clark is about doing what's right by the end of the season, and being abundantly aware of his feelings for Lana, he asks /that /of him. Which is just cruel.
Having just started the second season, I am... Huh. Fair point. It's /Lana/ Lane, not Louis Lane.
I was about to say that we know she doesnt' find out his secret, because we know she doesn't know it when he's superman, then it hits me that they aren't the same person, just people with very, very similar names. Mayhap this explains his later crush on louis!
I am also deeply bemused by the subtle and not-so-subtle in-jokes.
I really need to shave. A chore for tomorrow.
And hah! Apparently, I look 19 or so. man, what?! With /this /much stubble?!
Heh.
chakara,
lahimsein,
lahimset,
Douglas.

Current Mood: sleepy
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